Claire is going to be 2 before I know it! I can't believe how fast time flies or how much she changes and yet stays the same. Day to day her clefts are not on my mind at all. I think more about how many spills are all over my freshly cleaned floor! She was due for a surgery last summer, July or August? Anyhow, we're on medicaid and have had some crazy issues with them. Honestly, I could write an entire blog on medicaid and how terrible their system is! It got close to the holidays and my husband and I decided that we wanted to wait for them to pass before doing this procedure. Last year was great don't get me wrong but her post op care did bring daily issues along with it. I remember Xmas morning she lightly bumped her nose and she was so upset because it was still so tender. It broke my heart that she had this hindrance on her first Christmas. That being said we... Well I.. Got started back up doing the medicaid dance so we can get her next surgery booked. I am starting to get nervous about it. Not so much about the actual surgery this time more about the million appointments (hopefully this time it's not as bad) that are 4 hours away. Claire's not as car friendly anymore! Also, the after care and of course and how this will feel to her. This surgery is a soft palate fix which will help her vocal cords and in turn help her vocabulary development. We communicate really well now and she has her own crazy toddler language like most kids do. She's outgoing and fearless, always into something! Just like last time we went through surgery I have a lot of conflicting feelings. Part of me is really excited to watch her vocabulary grow and there's also a very big part of me who is very sad to say goodbye to her quirky sounds. Obviously all of her insane sounds aren't caused by her cleft but I know some are. As any good mother would I feel an enormous amount of guilt knowing that she's waited longer than the doctor wanted even though I did do some research and a lot of hospitals won't do this procedure until the child is 2 so that's taken a little guilt away. One of my very dear friends told me in the beginning of our journey that I must be Claire's advocate and do what I think is right. I would like to think that I am doing that. She's such a happy kid and I really don't feel like this has hurt her in any way. She's developing great and I wouldn't change the last 6 months for anything. We've had a lot of fun! I have learned that no matter how hard we try as parents there will be mistakes and there's no such thing as a perfect parent. Though I am fairly sure there is a perfect child & I got her ;)
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